style me pretty

i accomplished a goal i set out to do a year or two ago.

to get published on a major wedding blog .

I finally submitted a wedding to my favorite blog, Style Me Pretty.

I sent in some pictures i thought somewhat worthy. It was a long shot!

It got published today. it felt SO good.

I did it! Im a wedding photographer!

ok.. can i quit now??

I feel like time is just slipping away.. and for what?

to be a photographer? to make money? to live in a nice house (that I cant afford to fix, decorate or landscape the way i want?) ?

I sat on the computer all day today looking at peoples faces. pictures. families.

i rushed to make lunches, i rushed brushing baby fine hair, I rushed filling out field trip forms, I rushed and rushed and rushed all day long. juggling my day like a goddamned clown.

I rushed to get home to meet my deadlines.

i turned down a playdate with Averys first real friend.

I missed Juniper's friends play at the school last night.

My house is thrashed.

I havent made a home cooked meal in weeks.

I havent sat down to the dinner table with my family for days.

i "shushed" my children and my husband to listen to messages and return calls.

these all may seem like normal occurances in an everyday american household.

and thats all fine and dandy to your typical amerian..

but.. im not cool with this. ...

Yes, it was a good day, but .. something is missing.

Something.. something...

Il keep looking till i find it.. trust me.