june xmas list

tree

Connor is diggin the xmas tree.

my reina roo

New blog here.

saweeeet ride.

Funny thing. We spend our teenage years hearing " don't smoke. Dont drink." & now we r he ones Saying to eachother " cut em off ". & " don't let the kids see them smoking!"
It's just so ironic :)

i am thankfull for

so many things.

but . the biggest thing.

knowing.. that no matter what. no matter where.

no matter how. i will be surrounded by real love.

I am so grateful for my husband and my babies.

This beautiful family we have created together, fills me up with so much love..

fills the brims of my eyes with tears when i think too hard about them...

fills me.. makes me whole. nothing else in the whole world matters more than them.

nothing.

and i am beyond thankful for this life together.

our first real family photo!

that explains it!

No wonder I couldnt keep my eyes open all week.

tired all week. fever thurs and friday, & and it hit me full swing yesterday... strep throat!!

yuck. i have never had a sore throat this bad.

I got a shot of steroids to stop throat from swelling completely shut. some norco & antibiotics .. should be feeling better and less crabby soon.

=)

i was hoping to come on here and post some pictures for people and meet my sunday deadlines. but my eyes are literally burning looking at this damn screen.

ok off to bed again.

wow

i just slept for almsot 12 hours straight.

I think i needed that.

and the heater is working this morning!! yay!!

(its hit or miss)

please remind me to remember this quote

when it comes to avery.. help me to recite this over and over again in my head.

its such good advice. ask my parents. they still think im crazy. and they did all they could.

“How true Daddy’s words were when he said: ‘All children must look after their own upbringing.’ Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”

Anne Frank

style me pretty

i accomplished a goal i set out to do a year or two ago.

to get published on a major wedding blog .

I finally submitted a wedding to my favorite blog, Style Me Pretty.

I sent in some pictures i thought somewhat worthy. It was a long shot!

It got published today. it felt SO good.

I did it! Im a wedding photographer!

ok.. can i quit now??

I feel like time is just slipping away.. and for what?

to be a photographer? to make money? to live in a nice house (that I cant afford to fix, decorate or landscape the way i want?) ?

I sat on the computer all day today looking at peoples faces. pictures. families.

i rushed to make lunches, i rushed brushing baby fine hair, I rushed filling out field trip forms, I rushed and rushed and rushed all day long. juggling my day like a goddamned clown.

I rushed to get home to meet my deadlines.

i turned down a playdate with Averys first real friend.

I missed Juniper's friends play at the school last night.

My house is thrashed.

I havent made a home cooked meal in weeks.

I havent sat down to the dinner table with my family for days.

i "shushed" my children and my husband to listen to messages and return calls.

these all may seem like normal occurances in an everyday american household.

and thats all fine and dandy to your typical amerian..

but.. im not cool with this. ...

Yes, it was a good day, but .. something is missing.

Something.. something...

Il keep looking till i find it.. trust me.

jake

Jake turned 3o today. Ive know him for 18 years now. wow! shit i love you man!

happy 30th! cheers to many many more wonderful years to come! I am so lucky and blessed to have you in my life. I love ingrid for birthing you and bringing you into all our lives. And i thank the heavens for placing you in all 5 out of 6 classes in 6th grade. talk about destiny. oh where would i be without you if you werent born? I love the journey our lives have taken us on, and I wish the best upon your new journey and hope it brings us back together in the end, just as it always does,. And we will find ourselves on some old porch sippin lemonade and riding horses together again...just like it all began. tails and tails 2.

Happy birthday my friend. I love you!

Like I'm not at the sunshine on a Monday night playing shuffleboard

their first trophies!

so pumped!

i love coming home

uncle daniel to the rescue!

with the nexxt couple days being furlough and holidays from school, i have a million portraits.

Who better to watch my children than their uncle daniel!?

aaaaahhh what would I do without him! i am so blessed to have him in my life for far too many reasons to count.

#1 ALWAYS being there for me.

Man, the whole fam was up at 5:30. I dont acclimate well to time changes. haha! im still going to bed super early and waking up super early.

I feel like its already lunch time & all i can think about is taco bell. taco bell. taco bell.

came across a drawer full of utica pics the other day. i cant wait to go back this year!!!!! its been way too long!
OH and I am also planning on going on a backpacking trip in big sur to the hot springs. something ive had on my list for a long time! And.. now its finally in the works.. thanks to tara! i mentioned soething about a girls backpacking trip to the springs, and next thing i know.. theres a bunch of links in my inbox about the hike. I love girls who arent pussys. whooohoooo. its on ! and ive been feeling like a big lazy pussy these days, so im really ready for a hike & an adventure this spring.

yuck

humans arent meant to sit at computers all day.

and children are not meant to watch tv all day.

blah.

land

since its virtually illegal to build or put anything on my parents property, our only option would be to live in another miniscule trailer that we would have to hide. that we could easily pay off in about a year or 2.

If i was living in a trailer i could go to my brothers wedding in costa rica next year, I could go on the girls trip to mexico next year.

I could fly out and see my best friend in South Dakota.

I wouldnt have to work every weekend and miss my kids soccer games or my friends bday parties and BBQ's. I mean.. these things are the most important to me.

i think more important that making money and living in a nice house.

CONS

lets see...

500 square feet could be the end of us.

then again, if i can do it with two babies who were waking eachother up all night with every peep and every step we took for three years, i think maybe it would be different now.

"shush! go back to sleep!" haha!

And, they would have 17 acres of land to frolic on. who cares how small your house is. go outside!!!

horses to ride, babies goats and kittens to birth.

vegetables to grow.

tadpoles to catch.

muddy feet.

motorcycles to ride.

campouts on top of the hill with their friends.

kite flying out your front door.

rocket launching without neighbors fences to eat them.

forts to build.

no busy street.

no neighbors. no lawn movers or leaf blowers or garbage trucks.

oh, and lets not forget baba and papa's pool just a walk away.

I could go on a vacation with my family. Just the four of us. on a vacation. aaah i dream of this day. And, i dont see it happening for a long time as long as we are here.

However, i LOVE it here. i love it. dont get me wrong.

But, home is where your heart is, and I think I left a piece of it out there.

This weekend = 10 portrait sessions . 2 soccer games. Two birthday parties & a whole lotta coffee

today

my husband walked through the door, cupped my face in his hands , kissed me, stared into my eyes, and said i love you, i am so lucky to have you. And his eyes got all watery. "I love you so much, im going to cry"

I was like.. what!? Im the lucky YOU! i love YOU so much!

today, my son had his very first real playdate ever. and it went great!

today, I went to the hospital to visit anna after a sucessful back surgery. yay!

i also,

ate leftover chinese food, had a good portrait session, stopped to look into the sky at the beautiful clouds, appreciated the weather, mailed my best friend a letter (like, a real letter, stamp and all!) and read a pile of books to my kids.

today was a good day. busy, but good. And I reminded myself all day about how lucky I am. and how everything works itself out.

and.. the end to a beautiful day.. kitten in bed with babies. this, is all that matters right now. these fleeting moments.

im going to buy this

HOUSE

heheeee

and, i got the piece of glass out of my foot! yay!!

feeling much better now.

ouch

i have a shard of glass stuck in my heel and i cant get it out.

between a rock and a hard spot

for the third time in the last two months ,i work all weekend and have no one to watch my kids. I can only ask so much of my friends.

Brandon already had to take sunday off, and now he is going to have to take saturday off.

but , he says there is no way he cando that this week. He says weird stuff is going on at work, and people are getting fired left and right. AND we are probably going to loose our health insurance.. oh yay!

And my mother in law is going to the cabin, again, so she cant help me with the kids. whats new?

and my mom is still not in the condition to watch my kids.

However, she is still saying she will. But she is not supposed to.

omg bless my mom, always trying to help people, even when she cant.

I am seriously on the verge of quitting my job and buying a trailer. or maybe ill move to oregon with the gonzalez paquette crew. hehe.

i cant do this on my own. or without my mom i should say. i wish i could just be home on the weekends and not worry about all this shit.

This house is not worth it to me anymore.

i just want to be with my family & have a roof over my head. i dont care how big it is.

=)

ps. anyone know a good babysitter that works weekends?

ya know..

..im related to this guy by blood , He was my great grandmother's (Otilia Garcia) brothers, son. Which, makes him my cousin of some sorts. too bad I dont have a shred of musical talent in me. My parents would never let me go to the concerts. I was "too young for that sort of show. maybe someday. Someday" =( boooooo

B

I will remarry you to this song someday my love.

dream

I still think about Handsome and Pepsi every time I go out there. They were both very good friends to me. Animals just dont live long enough I tell ya.

“i was a little girl
alone in my little world
who dreamed of a little home for me.
i played pretend between the trees,
fed my houseguests bark and leaves,
and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

i had a dream…that i could fly
from the highest tree.
i had a dream”.

music pairing: dream

I love halloween!!!!!!