Planted bulbs for spring :)

my random assortment of holiday photos

on my web gallery.

here

I am currently filling my days with watercolos, acryclics, worm farms, glitter, sand, waffle making, cuddling,

& laughing with my babies.

went to the park for 2 1/2 hours today and chatted it up with a new friend.. watching the kids play, and clouds drift through the bright blue sky. so rad.

and.. perhaps one last trip to the ice skating rink tonight.

aaahh life is good.

OH! and I get to go on a date day with my honey tomorrow! (taking him to Mountain hardware for his Xmas present) =) and then hes taking me out to eat to skates on the bay.

im so happy.

Happy Holidays everyone!!!

i made a cute snow video!

=)

sledding video here

I want to go back.

this melts my heart to peices...

avery

has been SOOOOOOOO incredibly good for a whole week, so he earned a sticker on his chart for every day of the week.

anndddd he gets to go to the movies! yay! so happy.

new jacket

So we have literally gotten away with not having real jackets for way too long now. Hey ! we had afternoon kindergarten classes. but.. now we walk to school in the early morning hours.

my little bug would layer herself with 3 sweaters and tell me how cold she was all day.

but.. really.. it doesnt get that cold here. but.. it was a few weeks ago it did!, and i was like. crap! we dont even have a jacket that fits!

by the time i ordered one online (hell no im not going out in this shopping madness! proud to say i have yet to go to the mall this year. holla!) . the cold front was over. but.. hey.. she got two cute after hours online drunken jacket purchases out of it. yay!

like how I am justifying buying nice jackets for my child!? te he.

and it was so funny.. because we got home from school one day and she said... "all my friends have "eskimo jackets". And i was like.. oh no! here we go with the whole "my friends have everything in the world and i have nothing crap". But.. instead I said "whats an eskimo jacket?"

and viola! little did I know.. I picked the right jacket! and there it was in a package on the porch.

cabin

nothing like a little cabin time with the fam.

omg!! i needed to reconnect with all of them! its just been far too busy around here to do that.

we went sledding, and then sledding, and then some more sledding.

im sore!

i took a lot of video, maybe ill piece it together.

it was so fun!!

we ate a lot of food, drank a lot of good wine, and thawed out cuddling together in matching camp connell pj's .

now back to the last few days of school. last night was junipers hula holiday party, today is a field trip (yay im going!) and tomorrow is the holiday party, and then sat is tequila night (still on the fence about that one)

but after all that.. im pumped for holiday break!

im taking juniper to the SF nutcracker for the first time next week!

and i also want to hit up the new steinheart aquarium i grew up going to! eek! yay! im brimming to the top with joy.

yes, i know. .im a moody broad.

ps. we have some feb dates coming up soon for anyone whos down for our annual cabin trip. booyah!

oH! and i picked a munch of mistletoe... so the kids will be having "mistletoe stand" on our street! yes! $1 . fresh mountain misteltoe.

Avery "I love yoda's life saver"

Juniper "that tree had a lot of whistletoe on it!"

my little buddy

He calls me "LO LO" , in a deep and raspy little baby voice. its awesome.

garden committee

canceled at school because its too cold. pansies!

(im trying not to say pussy ever since a certain little someone called me one when i wouldnt jump in the pool with them)

ooommmmmmm find happy place....

amen

holiday card sneak peak.

yes!

supercuts and a box o hairdye! here i come baby!

hmmm

my stamps are missing. i know a little boy who loves stamps a whole darn lot.

bet you im gonna find em somewhere sneaky.

i just get this way when im stressed out. blah

ive tried and ive tried. to squeeze it all in.

the photo sessions, the editing, the phone calls,

trying to be professional when i have no nice clothes,

the HW, the laundry, cleaning the house

teaching my kids how to ride bikes and scooters

taking them places

doing stuff

crafts

volunteering in the classrooom

taking them to the Dr.

taking them to and from school

making lunches

signing field trip forms

buying xmas presents

grocery shopping

vacuuming

dishes

more laundry

taking out the trash.

brushing juniper hair!

cooking

watering the plants

making lunches

finding lost shoes

scraping mud off shoes

feeding and cleaning up after the cat and dog

carpet cleaning

bath time

reading books

buying crickets & worms and cleaning out multiple aquariums

remembering to fill my car up with water so i dont break down

buying toilet paper, etc..

dance class

gymnastics

swim lessons

cooking. cleaning (did i mention those already?)

dealing with avery's insane amount of energy

and still managing to hang out with friends and have fun.

omg!! i cant do it ! i cant do all of it.

something has gotta go.

I said to brandon "I quit" unless we can fork out childcare for a couple days a week.

(my mom watches them on the weekend while i work, but the time consumiing part is editing and uploading, and all this other crap.. and I will not work on the computer while the kids are home.. for the most part, i mean, aside from being impossible because they are always like "mommy mommy mommy", i would feel so freaking guilty that i was ignoring my kids and being a horrible parent)

He said "no"

So.. i quit.

for a little while anyways.

i dont care if we have to buy a godammned trailer.

this is so not worth it to me

im so worn out.

i dont care about the money. i just want to hang out with my kids and not feel like a total stressed out spazzzzzzz, who is wasting precious time with my kids while they grow up before my very eyes.

now..how to go about putting a biz on hold and not ruining my reputation or loosing my cleintel. (impossible it seems. crap) i dont know what to do!

maybe just quit doing weddings? the post production is too time consuming.. but where is the photography industry heading? Everyone and their brother is trying to become a photographer. I have a feeling weddings are going to be my only lucrative job in the future.

help!

i have to go clean up my thrashed house so people can stop in all day and pick up their albums and holiday cards.

as... i get two more emails from people saying "when will my album be done?"

(um.. ya.. i havent started those yet) .

>>>>>

and just after i wrote this , one of my customers got here early to pick up a wedding album, (eek!) and avery came over to me while we were talking and i was showing her the album, hanging on me and screaming for a kiwi and asking me over and over again to get his toy that he had throw in the christmas tree down.. OMG!

i just kept telling him i was talking and to wait, please stop interrupting me.

and he wouldnt stop asking me.

so embarassing and really pissed me off, but on the other hand, hes a kid , and this is a biz, and they just dont mix. i think its a sign.

Ps. its almost 11, and there is still frost on the ground outside! woah! my plants are NOT happy. and everywhere was sold out of frost blankets for plants. =(

yesterday

This is the first year my kids have suggested going christmas shopping for eachother. well.. Juniper anyways. we made a date.

she has been wanting to get everyone in our family stuffed animals. and has been figuring out which ones for weeks.

"i want to get papa a tadpole one, baba a dragonfly, ...etc"

How do i say no to that!?

although we didnt find the exact stuffed animals she had in mind, she found some cute ones for everyone. oh, it just melted my heart over and over .. watching her pick and choose, put them back.. "well.. i think he might like this one the best.. no..wait wait.. baba would LOVE this"

So, i took avery that morning, let him pick our presents for juniper, adn he wrapped them all by himself. ohmygod too cute. he felt so big, and of course he was sooooo excited, he told juniper what he wrapped for her, and then got mad at himself for it. lol.

and they have been falling asleep holding hands everynight.

oh god make my heart explode.

holiday night

evidently our town has a tradition of "kicking off the holidays" (before thanksgiving!?) with a downtown holiday cheer night. or something like that.
I was in teh bookstore that day, and i say to the chick "so, when did they start doing this holiday night thing? is this the treelighting?"
-NO, weve always done this
"for how long? "
Well, as long as ive been here, and ive been here forever. (actually, ive been here forever)
"so whats it all about?"
the stores are open late tonight.

hahaa!!! wow! thats hella funny!! (i thought to myself) go ptown! holy hell! the stores are staying open late! lets go check it out! tee he!
anyways.. it was hella fun.

crap!

Every Sunday I keep meaning to take the kids to the Buddhist church . and every sunday.. we either forget , have something to do, or just plain dont want to do anything for a change.

OK>>> next Sunday. anyone want to go with me? I hate to say.. it is strange being either the only young person or the only caucasian person all the time.

Ahhhh last day if holiday portraits . So ready to b home on the weekends with my kiddos .
Tonight , parade . Tree lighting . Pj party with friends . Food . Gingerbread house making . So happy .
Just missing one thing.... My best friend. Missing her more and more each day.

turkey day pics

so we had our first big thanksgiving at home. it all started the night before with pumpkin pie crust from scratch. hell ya! as for the dinner part.. brandon and i had no idea what we were doing. I had all intentions of being brave and making my very own thanksgiving turkey. figured its something every woman should know how to do. I didnt even know i needed a "roasting rack" i was like.. what the hell is that? Cannt we jsut put it in this pan!? LOL!
,We literally had to "you tube" everything we made. thank god for the internet.
And when it all came down to it, i broke down, and couldnt even manage to butter it up. in fact, i could barely watch as brandon did it in the sink.
all i could think of was a baby being given a bath. it was like so alive and real to me.
i cant get over it. i loved my turkey as a child, and i guess its too deeply rooted in me.
thank goodness my hubby is a better chef than me !
Giblets!? what the fuck are giblets you ask!? well... you probably know. I didnt. OMG!!!!!!

Lorinda laughed at me on the phone and came to the rescue with roasting rack, thermometer and all that jazz, and my mom made gravy out of the giblets. yuck.

I myself enjoyed the veggie stuffing and garlic mashed potatoes. holla!
here are..
Pictures from the day

***

remember spider swinging! ?

dirty thirty

pammy was always the oldest. im next.
Happy birthday pammy! & daniel .hes not thirty yet though. youngin.
this picture cracks me up. haaaa

thinkers

AVERY_
"i want to hold hands when you die"
what do you mean baby mommy isnt going to die for a very long time. you dont need to worry about it"
Ok, but i will love you forever. even when you die. and i want to hold your hand when we die"
me- "honey. i will love you forever too even when im dead, but I will die before you do"
Avery-(starts crying.)
(holy crap! what did i do? such a fine line here)
"you mean mommy and bella wont be alive when im old?"
"you will be grown up baby. you dont have to worry about it. we are going to be alive for a long time"
well i hope that junie can be like mommy when you die because then she can play with me all day.
um break my heart kid.

yesterday juniper says '=
" im going to live with you forever mommy , and I want kids, so you will get to see your grandkids everyday!"
ii like.. what the hell?? kids are so funny!
I said "ok honey! i hope you live with me forever"
(te he.)

halloween pics

im a little behind here,
PICTURes

oh country road take me home

id give anything for my kids to grow up out there like i did.

kids make weddings way more fun.

happy tofurkey day!!

my cousin posted this pic on my facebook. thought id share it. aaahhh the good ol days.



Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow! We'll be missing you guys! Things just aren't the same these days...sometimes you just wish you could hang out with your cousin and put baby ducks on her back :) Love you tons! xoxoxoxo

my honeys day off! YAYYYYYY

anndddd photos are so deceiving ("I before E except after C.". I do it wrong everytime!.)
Spent most the morning convincing Juniper to go down the pole at the park.
She stood there crying for .. um.. way too long. felt like 20 minutes. im not too far off.

I was so torn between, making her do something I know she can do, and just letting her be HER.
Its a constant struggle for me as a parent. I was never like this as a child. I was balls to the wall.

but, my dear little child is sweet and afraid. and .. well... shes awesome. in her own little way.
She could paint with watercolors all day if i let her. What 6 year old has that sort of patience?
my june bug does.

SO>>>> do i push her to go down the slide (age 1) , submerge her underwater( age 2) , dance on the stage (I know you want to. you love to dance in class. age 3,), to ride her bike without training wheels (age 4) ...

DO i push her to be someone she is not naturally? I know i have to to a certain degree.
("juniper. Say hello to your friend. They just said hi to you. dont ignore them. its rude")
Shes shy . and thats ok. but.. .. ...
where to draw the line. when to push her and when not to? that is the question.
I know if i didnt push her she wouldnt know how to swim (LIKE A FISH!) or light up on stage with joy) I know she wants to do these things. i see her jump forward, then hesitate. second guess herself. I want her to believe in herself. But.. i want her to be herself.

i just had to take a break from other peoples pics

im sorry.. but is she not just the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world? ok.. i know, im so biased.



funny, my favorite pics come from 5 minute sessions. with braided bed head . random size 3t sweater over skeleton pajamas. in the backyard.