i just get this way when im stressed out. blah

ive tried and ive tried. to squeeze it all in.

the photo sessions, the editing, the phone calls,

trying to be professional when i have no nice clothes,

the HW, the laundry, cleaning the house

teaching my kids how to ride bikes and scooters

taking them places

doing stuff

crafts

volunteering in the classrooom

taking them to the Dr.

taking them to and from school

making lunches

signing field trip forms

buying xmas presents

grocery shopping

vacuuming

dishes

more laundry

taking out the trash.

brushing juniper hair!

cooking

watering the plants

making lunches

finding lost shoes

scraping mud off shoes

feeding and cleaning up after the cat and dog

carpet cleaning

bath time

reading books

buying crickets & worms and cleaning out multiple aquariums

remembering to fill my car up with water so i dont break down

buying toilet paper, etc..

dance class

gymnastics

swim lessons

cooking. cleaning (did i mention those already?)

dealing with avery's insane amount of energy

and still managing to hang out with friends and have fun.

omg!! i cant do it ! i cant do all of it.

something has gotta go.

I said to brandon "I quit" unless we can fork out childcare for a couple days a week.

(my mom watches them on the weekend while i work, but the time consumiing part is editing and uploading, and all this other crap.. and I will not work on the computer while the kids are home.. for the most part, i mean, aside from being impossible because they are always like "mommy mommy mommy", i would feel so freaking guilty that i was ignoring my kids and being a horrible parent)

He said "no"

So.. i quit.

for a little while anyways.

i dont care if we have to buy a godammned trailer.

this is so not worth it to me

im so worn out.

i dont care about the money. i just want to hang out with my kids and not feel like a total stressed out spazzzzzzz, who is wasting precious time with my kids while they grow up before my very eyes.

now..how to go about putting a biz on hold and not ruining my reputation or loosing my cleintel. (impossible it seems. crap) i dont know what to do!

maybe just quit doing weddings? the post production is too time consuming.. but where is the photography industry heading? Everyone and their brother is trying to become a photographer. I have a feeling weddings are going to be my only lucrative job in the future.

help!

i have to go clean up my thrashed house so people can stop in all day and pick up their albums and holiday cards.

as... i get two more emails from people saying "when will my album be done?"

(um.. ya.. i havent started those yet) .

>>>>>

and just after i wrote this , one of my customers got here early to pick up a wedding album, (eek!) and avery came over to me while we were talking and i was showing her the album, hanging on me and screaming for a kiwi and asking me over and over again to get his toy that he had throw in the christmas tree down.. OMG!

i just kept telling him i was talking and to wait, please stop interrupting me.

and he wouldnt stop asking me.

so embarassing and really pissed me off, but on the other hand, hes a kid , and this is a biz, and they just dont mix. i think its a sign.

Ps. its almost 11, and there is still frost on the ground outside! woah! my plants are NOT happy. and everywhere was sold out of frost blankets for plants. =(