birth order

"Norwegian scientists analyzed test results and birth data from more than 241,000 military conscripts and found that oldest children had an average IQ of 103, second children came in at 101, and third borns were at 100."

juniper's existence took one single try after a small conversation of "we should have a baby"
when i was pregnant with her...i stopped drinking coffee. i ate kale everyday for lunch. i put a shot of flax oil (for the babys brain developement!)in my soyyogurt every morning , to accompany my whole wheat bagel with raw almond butter and ginger tea.
I took long walks on the beach and sunbathed my belly on the beach day in and day out..lathering it with sunblock and cocoa butter...
I spent ridiculous amounts of money on Whole Foods prenatal vitamins with superfood in them. I took the required 4 a day! my goodness...
i sang to her, i read poetry to her...
from the moment she was conceived...every flurry of a momevent & every hiccup, went documented in calligraphy upon beautiful pages adorned with glitter.
I breastfed my little bug for almost a year.
her name had been talked about and almost decieded upon for years before her existence...

Avery spent his first nine months being rode on, bounced upon, smooshed against by the one year old on my hip.
Prenatal appointments and vitamins were skipped.
no new baby theme..he was just going to have to deal with the pink pastels and flowery animals for a bit.
and bam!! there he was!
he was sebastian, avery, landon, forrest, what the hell are we gonna name this kid?
avery lost interest in the boob, and without a thought.. i weened him to a cup at 6 months.
he slept in a moses basket on our couch...he didnt complaign about much or expect anything...and the first time he smiled i saw those little dimples and they took my breath away!
but i remember thinking...i wish i could sit around and look into his eyes all day like i had with her...but juniper was being potty trained, starting dance class, learning to talk!


and even now..that they are getting older...
i still feel like im robbing him of some excitement...the first day of dance went pictureless...his baby book is lacking...
he gets in trouble more, because hes 2, and then he feels left out. and he gets left out because he doesnt listen. and he gets left out anyways because he cant go to school yet..and stuff like that.
it must be hard being my little guy.
from her beautiful wardrobe to his mass amounts of hand-me-downs..
from her close friends that are all her age..that chase him around calling him "the bad guy"
even if he doesnt get it, or care about any of that yet...it must be shaping who he is, and theres only so much i can do about it. i guess thats just how it goes being the second born.
and i remember thinking it was junipers world that would be flipped upside down..
but....niether one will know the difference. they wont have a single memory without one another...and they wont think twice about it im sure...and they will love eachother even if they dont get along.
these are just the things that crazy mothers like myself think about sometimes when im lying in bed at night...
he will always have to share me with her. and she will always have to share me with him. I just want to give them all of me all the time.