nothing like the sound of two ba ba's in bed with two babies.
like music to my soul.

meet Connor the Conure

im making an african feast this evening! YUMMMMMMMMM

the great divide

i read about it for years in parenting magazines from the first time i was pregnant 8 years ago..
and thought.. that will never happen to me. The great divide between your friends without kids, and you.

ahhhh... but it finally is.. finally has.. crept in, the reality that i just never wanted to believe. I dont love my parent-less friends any less than my mom friends. in fact, i love them and need them more than anyone, but... there is something so different about this world of mine. and sometimes i feel very alone.

being a mom has changed my entire being, and only other moms can really understand that.

being a parent, is .. literally absolutely indescribable. You can imagine it all you want. try to wrap your finger around it, visualize your unborn children...just as i once had. but, until it actually happens. there is absolutely no way to understand the love, fear, exhuastion, love, juggling, patience, love, loss of patience, (and a million bazillion other emotions that rise up within you from that day forth).
and, you finally understand your parents, on this whole new level.

And, like they did for years, you just have to sit back, smile , and accept.. they'll never get it, until they are actually in these shoes.

ok country club...

..i would like my husband back now.

thanks.

juniper asked me to take a picture of her in her new school clothes so I could put it as my computer desktop pic.
haha! nice pose june! lol!

the kind of conversations that happen around here...

avery "i love the smell of my farts"
my mom " you know avery, you shouldnt talk fart talk all the time"
a "but i love the smell of my farts, so i try to put my face by my butt"
mom "i bet you do"
a "i want to cut off my butt so I can smell my farts better"
june "you cant cut off your butt avery or youll die!!"

heres another good one...

HD

ever since i found out my camera takes video, ive been taking tid bits here and there.. the other day i heard the perfect song.. and thought.. yes!! thats going on my video. Hopefully ill manage to piece it together someday. the longer i wait, the more footage i get , the cooler it will be..
kinda like the "moments' clip i posted earlier. except, on a much smaller scale of course.

day three

as the novelty of the first days of school wears off, so will avery's kind manners & ability to sit still.
The teacher has informed me, the first two days were (thumbs up) and that today was "so so"
oh my. herewego!!!!!

yummy goodness

i look forward to every other friday. because this shows up on my porch just in time for breakfast!
And its different stuff everytime!

so

ya, im already used to avery not being here in the mornings, and to be honest.. its not much different than the three days he was in preschool.
do a couple loads of laundry, clean up, edit some pics, vacume, poof! .. its time to pick him up! and.. we still get to have lunch together. its awesome.
im enjoying my quite mornings. and.. i think im more productive in the mornings! im a morning person! =)

"life is such a trip.."

stole this off adam's blog, how awesome!

Moments from Everynone on Vimeo.

boooo hooo. im whining.

my hubby left the house at 6 in the morning, and got home at 8:30 @ night yesterday.
He had asked me to video avery;s first day, so We sat down and watched it, had a drink, and told him all about it. I could tell he was super bummed to have missed it.
He has the same "schedule" today. i miss him damnit! but, i admire and am so grateful to have such a hard working man.
just realized, we will be missing the kids first few soccer games because of work and other things. fuck!
and picture day. im hoping to at least make it to the parade. I am the banner mom! holy hell!! what was i thinking?
I know these things may seem like little things, to a lot of people, but.. to US, our kids and what they do, are the biggest things. The only things that matter. We are so lucky to have the amazing opportunities we do with them, but somehow it just never seems like enough. Sometimes, we daydream of moving to my parents, unschooling, and living off the land. HA! i know, pretty unrealistic.. or is it?
Ya.. i pretty much have to revamp some things this year. ..(i know, i say that every year) .school nights are now officially school nights.
& especially with weekends being booked up the wazooo, we need this time as a family to regroup, have dinners together, do HW, take baths, etc...
i am soooo happy the heat has disappeared for today.
the last two days were brutal!!! the worst part about the heat, are the sleepless nights my kids have. their room was literally 100 degrees last night at 8 oclock! (bedtime).
its my best friends 30th today, and i just wish i could be with her.. just for a moment to hug her and say happy birthday. and take a few shots. long distance just plain sucks, i dont care how you look at it.
My computer has overflowed with wedding photos, which is good for the house payment, but not good for my horrible time management issues, distractions, and lack of self motivation. help! ok.. i better get back to those!

And, making all these things so trivial....
...we found out a few weeks ago.. my poor mom has a freaking hole in her heart! She was born with it, and they just found it. She is lucky to be alive! But, now they have to fix it, because evidently its really big (just found out yesterday), so she has to go on Plavix ASAP (today), which , is like ... a really intense blood thinner. Like.. you "shouldnt ride a bike" or "have alchohol" kind of blood thinner. YA, not such good news for my mama. she aint the kind of "lay-around-and-watch-TV-all -day" kinda grandma. shit.
un-frickin-believable.
Somehow i know it will all be ok. after all, its my mom.. she's invincible right?

first day of school

aaaahhhh my baby is in kindergarten at this very moment. he could hardly give me a hug and kiss goodbye.. and he was off! running, and didnt look back.
have fun my little buddy!! ill miss my alone time with you.
I hope you have a wonderful day and meet lots of new friends, and have lots of fun! *sigh
I cannot wait to pick you up and hear all about it.

Juniper held my hand tight as can be, and stood like a deer in headlights in front of her classroom...trembling..
"I dont know what do do mommy. where do i go? what do i do?"
I nudged her into the line.... you can do it babe!
I know you will have a wonderful day. =)

The walk home from school was so weird. so quite. i just walked... down the street. by myself. it was weird.
I made it all the way home before I shed a tear. =)



their new school clothes and shoes that the picked out all by themselves! =)

pinecrest

Rolling into town from pinecrest . Wishing we could turn around & go back. Damn it's hot!!!!!!

happy birthday to my honey buns!

so happy you were born!

oh me oh my

"im lucky that i have found an alcoholic that likes food, and camping. thats all i need." -brandon

well that will get your blood flowing

So, i spent most of yesterday on the phone with apple support after my work computer crashed.
OMG> i almost shit myself.
I mean, I back up all my weddings in multiple places of course (well, the raw unedited files at least), but my own personal photos.. thats a different story.
After they couldnt figure out what was wrong, I had to make an appointment at the store.
p-town was booked till wed night. omg!!! like im not behind enough already on my work. and im just imagining the worse.
ILl have to re-edit all that stuff and redesign those albums. holy holy shit.
SO, off to walnut creek with kids in tow and my HUGE imac. dude, that shit is heavy!!!
and im clumsy. i was scared.
the guy at the genius bar says it sounds like my hard drive crashed, and it will cost me $2,000 to try and recover my pictures.
i melted.
then.. he found my stuff.
and then...
i almost starting crying out of pure joy.
"i love you"
i told the guy. I wanted to hug him. I held back.
he didnt say anything, and i lugged my computer back & we all lived happily ever after.
lucky me. what a warning. time for another external hard drive.

juni lost a tooth & avery made some caprese

dardenelles

our first night up in pinecrest we stayed at the dardenells campgrounds. which was awesome! here are some pics.

We are going to get in one last camping trip before school starts with some friends from school. yay! our first family trip with another family! fun fun!

I cannot believe summer is almost over!

Brandon wants to fish this river...

ical

oh how i love it when the little square box on my calendar has nothing written in it! nothing at all! aaah happy sunday everyone!

halloweeen

is only my most favorite holiday EVER!!!

So, naturally we are already brainstorming who and what wer are going to be.

Avery says...
" I want dada to be mario, and I will be Luigi, and you and juni can be the toads!"

OH! i love it little man! youre too funnY!

dorks

best 24 hours ever

I almost forgot to blog about our incredible one night escape to the mountains a few weeks ago. A day in the mountains is like 3 days in the city. time just moves slower.
we played Gin and drank Gin.
lit our farts on fire, did a little wine tasting.
ate, and ate some more.
we are so lucky we got to steal the crossetti's before john left for europe.
ive never had so much fun at the cabin. thanks guys.
=(

Chillin drinking wine & feeding ducks. Good stuff

losing myself as a parent.

avery changed things for me. I used to be this confident marvelous parent who had the cute little toddler who behaved herself, was well dressed, eager to please, darling.(who is ironically now turning into a little miss sassy pants) I could take her to coffee.. parties. I looked down on parents with kids who were out of control.
Id be thinking "get your shit under control people!"
I just assumed I was this incredible parent. HA! Well, not that I wasnt, but I did absolutely nothing different with baby #2, and when Avery hit 8 months old.. and was mobile. It was over.
My quite playdates with sweet kids. My ability to go places by myself and have everything under control.
Its been a hard road. hes a tough kid. And Its not his energy or hyperactivity, or even his stubborn little self that bothers me. Its hard when he disregards other people and their feelings. It kills me.
But , with time, he will learn. He will have to learn the hard way. I feel, like at this point in time.. there is not much else I can really do but keep him safe. If I can just keep him safe, I will consider myself a success! Man, how my parenting itinerary and dreams have been tossed out the window.
Looking back, I was the exact same way as a child, i drove my mom INSANE.and she let me live. she let me go. she let me learn.
There was no other way to do it. and here i am.
i am fine. i am happy. i am secure. i am independent. confident. strong.i LOVE with all my heart. and ... ive learned A LOT over the course of my 30 years.
THIS post reminds me of the mom I once was. and who i am determined to become again.
I need to stop worrying about what other people think or do. and worry about how my kid makes me "look" in the eyes of all the moms at school or my friends. Hes my life. hes my heart. And, Im sad I have made him feel bad for the way he is. things he cannot control right now. Sure, he drives me nuts. but... I need to accept him more for who he is and help guide him. and help him be kind and aware of others. but he need not feel like any less of a person along the way.
My friend Julie said something to me the other day. she has two kids, same age as mine, and it really stuck with me.
She told me how wonderful and amazing avery is, and how he is just a kid. and how wild her boys are, and how im basically just looking at this all wrong.
anyways.. my family comes before everyone. and anyone. and..i just feel like i kinda lost sight for a moment there..

Coffee with girlfriends rejuvinates the soul! Aaah it's the little things :) today is a good day. Now off to the water park!

wedding season is in full swing.

pinecrest. pushin the envelope.

Im happy to be home.

Happy Birthday Lainers!!!

before&after