for adam

whilst on the phone with adam the other day , standing outside the bathroom door..
you see, avery wants to go potty on his own...
it goes something like this.

A:"mommy!! i have to go poo poo!!"
M "ok baby. go poo poo then"
A: "please help me turn on the light mommy"
M: "ok" ( i turn on light)
A: "i do it all myself. I can do this job mommy,.leave me alone!!!"
M: "thats not how we talk avery. please talk nicely"
A: "please leave me alone mommy""

So...here we left off..me...standing outside the bathroom door.
i peek my head in...to check on him..and he had reachind down to grab his poo. so..he had poo all over his hand....and he was laughing about it. i hung up...

i long for the day when i can put breakables, marbles, lotion, perfume, glitter, glue, frogs, cameras, cd's, phones, batteries, staplers, knives, photos, portable heaters, hairbrushes, toilet paper, tissue, books, alcohol, ornaments,
without them getting taken, lost, ripped, consumed, broken, spilled, .

juniper was never like this. perhaps it was the "motion safe" trailer with its already baby proof aspects (latched cabinets, drawers, etc)
but...whatever the case. it was nothing like this. this boy is into EVERYTHING!!!!!!

yesterday he stuffed cheerios in the portable heater. now its broken. he eats lotion. he puts marbles in his mouth. He uses my perfume. he puts entire rolls of toilet paper down the toilet. he lets the frogs out, he feeds the fish way too much, he gets into the fridge and spills superfood all over (thick. messy.) he glues stuff together, he scratches all the DVDs and puts more than one into the dvd payer (our second one), and then some into the vcr (no longer working). he drinks peoples beers when they turn their head, he rips book pages out, he eats dog food and cat food. He LOVES batteries and likes to fill the bathroom sink with them. he likes glitter, with batteries, underwater of course. He likes to hold spiders, make mud puddles with the hose so he can jump in them. he likes to take junipers stuff and hide it. he takes off his shoes EVERY chance he gets. and then throws them (either at me while im driving, or across the room in the house). He likes to get into peoples purses and eat all thier mints and gum. He finishes off my coffee when im not looking. he goes poo and tries to grab it as its coming out. He likes to pee outside. He wont stop touching his weener. he likes to empty boxes of cereal onto the floor. and then step all over them. he smashes snails. he eats his boogers. he puts stuff in the toilet. he likes to "help" by throwing "junk mail" away (just so you know. he cant tell the difference) , he takes off his clothes any chance he gets, he electricuted himself playing with his nightlight for peets sake!!!!! oh, and he yells and screams a lot. and throws his food.
and its not even that he does all this that kills me. its that he does it..looks at me ..and then laughs...

and he gets in trouble. and he sits there in his time out. we talk. he gets things taken away. but. he doesnt seem to care.

you maybe thinking "he is left unnattended for long moments at a time", but a girls gotta pee (especially a coffee drinking girl like myself. i have to take a shower here and there..i have to step outside to get the mail. i have to cook meals) . He is quick. QUICK as lightening. he is fast, sneaky, and knows exactly what he is doing!!

and i myself, im so god damned tired.