oooh suburbia

I love that everyone thinks im the weirdo around here. with my "hippie" look and "funny" ways.
Yet, there are some f*(#*&$ing weirdos out there man!

which brings me to my point...
softball is a hoot. we have so much fun with these kids! i love it! I love the kids! i love the itme with Juniper.
Shes really having fun, and playing like a rock star.

But..dude...some of these parents are nutty. like, downright freaking rude and weird.
Just this evening, one mom tonight straight up yelled across the field at me because I wasnt on the first base line (first base coach) the second the inning started .sorry biatch.what the hell do you think is going to happen if Im not there for a second!? good lord! i had to catch my breath! get YOUR ass up there! I aint getting paid for this!
Its super fun, but its hard work! theres never a dull minute. I have 13 girls to keep track of .. who dont know where to be or what to do.

Then, at practice last week, this girl walks up with a HUGE bat. Like.... HUGE>
I said "woah! wheres your bat ?" She points over yonder.. I said "that bat is too big. go grab your bat girl"
turns out it was her dad's bat, he walks up, snatching it away , and walks away muttering "oh, coach knows best . coach knows everything"
youve got to be kidding me! dude, the thing was huge. and i didnt mean to insult your beautiful 1980's bat meant for a 6'3 man.

Last week we played a team that had FOUR male coaches .. all with embroidered coach apparal. hats. shirts. oh my.
They were really nice. but.. i was like .. woah.

I wish I could whip out my old phantom jacket and say "booya what up fuckers. We (pammy and I) were the best players in the town and we coached for years and we kicked ass so shut up, cause youre getting a sweet deal right now, and maybe you should spend some time with your kid playing catch every once in a while cause i aint a goodamned miracle worker!!! "

And, I cannot keep track of these kids parents. There are millions of them. Step parents.. parents..other parents! Seriously, each kid has two sets of parents.I dont know who you are! sorry. I dont have time or a good memory. and im SO SORRY I put the wrong last name on the roster. please forgive me.

They are 7. chill out.

SOOOOOOO>> while im on the subject of crazy folk. I have somehow, and i have no idea how, gotten myself mixed up in some friendly school people drama. My mom was so lucky. she never had to get out of her car and meet anyone. She just had to drop us off, and drive away. Not me.. I have to walk... pajamas or not. hair brushed or not (i dont give a f%^*), down the block.. to meet them. meet them all. all the people who know where i live. how my cars hood is always up , what i wear everyday, how I have that wild boy... yadda yadda yadda.

I actually had one mom say "youre wearing pajamas (just pajama pants!) hmmm thats interesting" and then she rollerbladed out of site with her tight ass pants. (true story)

Seriously people? am i the only one with a life?? really though. things are so busy and crazy for us, I barely have time to look in the mirror to see myself in the morning, let alone everyone else.

yet, somehow... there are people , who must have nothing better to do but sit around and talk smack, and yell at me with false accusations, and.. well.... who have children who attack my children. YEs! my son SO got his ass beat on the playground by one of my "friends" almost 8 year old kids. Sure, Avery was being a little shit. Ill be the firs to admit that any day. But,I saw the whole thing. they were going back and forth with eachother.. being mean. saying mean things'.. but dude.. she full out kicked him, punched him, and knocked him to the ground!!! I almost lost it. I scooped him up, and furiously walked home... to later have some dude (the parent of the kid who hit mine) come barreling down the sidewalk at me hours later.. saying "we need to talk!", as I filled my POS car with water.. just so I can run to the store to make dinner. AS im on the phone long distance. I say "sorry dude, I cant talk right now. Im long distance"
I guess this doenst mean much to most people, because he would not leave me alone. It seems that everyone but me has to worry about making long distance calls. I dont pay for long distance. ok... so when someone calls me, its not like I can just call them right back!!!
SO.. dont run all up in my driveway when Im all stressed out cause my car wont run and im long distance with a best friend I havent talked to in weeks that I miss more than life itself! That I miss even more at this very moment because youre up in my face and shes not here to kick your Ass!!!! cause im too pussy to say anything except "im long distance & i dont want to talk".

I didnt want to believe it. but .. they are out there. these people are actually out there!! in my beautiful little town.. that.. im afraid has changed too much since i was little.
When I was little our softball teams were "the unicorns" and "wild cats"
now.. we are the "fireballs" vs "panthers"
Back then.. people stayed in one place.

Thank god i have my own little underground network of incredible people sprinkled about the area. they give me strength. they fill me up. they make me laugh . they care. I count my blessings everyday that I have found awesome people in this crazy world that are absolutely amazing loving people. So..cheers to you guys. you know who you are. =) lets end on that good note!