Monday, November 16, 2009
lighter notes
i love tom kah soup.
the weather has been awesome.
i got to go out and have drinks with friends friday night. at the farmer.
(new pleasanton hotel) and that was fun.
it was jakes birthday yesterday. that was awesome. we got thai.
thats when i had the tom kah. and played a fun game where you roll pigs like dice.
i worked ALL weekend. which is both good and bad.
i missed my babies terribly.
but, today was good. and avery was good.
so... cheers to a new week!
a better week! =)
im going to go cuddle my babies in matching footie pajamas.
yay!
last week
my son called me a "buttcrack" .. and not in a joking way.
and then said "i hate you" to his sister.
I dont know where he even heard that.
so, i just grounded him. thats all i could think to do.
i feel like i have a teenager already.
the time outs werent working. all his stuff was taken away. he didnt get to go to dance class or go to a birthday party.
after almost 3 days of being in his room ALL day. .. he was still not listening.
we started fresh every day, and he was still not listening.
today was better. thank god.
and then said "i hate you" to his sister.
I dont know where he even heard that.
so, i just grounded him. thats all i could think to do.
i feel like i have a teenager already.
the time outs werent working. all his stuff was taken away. he didnt get to go to dance class or go to a birthday party.
after almost 3 days of being in his room ALL day. .. he was still not listening.
we started fresh every day, and he was still not listening.
today was better. thank god.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
this has been a long long week
my son is absolutely out of control. im out of ideas. im out of things. im out of energy. patience.
im just plain out to lunch. im like a zombie. a ridiculously retardedly tired and pissed off zombie.
this is him today picking up junie from school , making wishes, being cute, ..right before he screamed bloody murder into his sisters ear. on purpose. and laughed about it.
really dude? youre killin me.
im just plain out to lunch. im like a zombie. a ridiculously retardedly tired and pissed off zombie.
this is him today picking up junie from school , making wishes, being cute, ..right before he screamed bloody murder into his sisters ear. on purpose. and laughed about it.
really dude? youre killin me.
decapitated
i guess im just having some bad luck lately.
it happens. deal with it.
a damn hawk swept down and slashed his claw into the cage and cut my lovebirds head off.
freak accident. what the hell? he mist have just been chillin there, eating out of this bowl right by the edge.
Did i tell you guys about the turtle massacre in the backyard? damn racoons. im getting a bb gun.
just kidding. its just instinct. i know.
it happens. deal with it.
a damn hawk swept down and slashed his claw into the cage and cut my lovebirds head off.
freak accident. what the hell? he mist have just been chillin there, eating out of this bowl right by the edge.
Did i tell you guys about the turtle massacre in the backyard? damn racoons. im getting a bb gun.
just kidding. its just instinct. i know.
having a kid changes everything.
am i harboring some sort of subconscience resentment towards my husband?
hmm.. possibly.
It never really occured to me until now.
here i am. young. full of awesome ideas. adventures. things. never really thought about marriage. kids. bla bla blah.
and , here i end up. married with children.
not that i didnt want this. to my own surprise, i guess i did, because i cant imagine my life without them. i cant imagine being happy . i cant imagine a world worth living in without them in it. cant imagine a purpose.
but, with that comes this big big love, and this big big responsibility.
with which, i take very seriously. after all, i brought them into this life. and this is my job. i am raising human beings.
and obviously ( i mean, just look around) a lot of people are not taking this job very seriously.
i am.
well, at least im trying. im trying so hard most days are just too hard.
i try so hard, today i cried because im wondering if all this persistence and consistence really matters.
and this big big love that i have, man.. its hard.
i hate it sometimes. how much i love them. how much i want to protect them. from the world i know i cannot protect them from.
and im not even halfway there yet.
oh lord god help me when i really have to let go and trust them to go out into the wild world. hey, we all make it dont we?
but.. are we happy? most days i am. genuinely happy. but i look around.. and see. that a lot of people are not.
i know im going way too deep here.
but , my animal instinct is.. i want my children to be happy and safe.
and im afraid . im afraid of the future. and im envious and angry that my husband can go to sleep at night without thinking too much about it. after all .. this was his idea in the first place!?
dam logical way of thinking.
can someone please cut out my uterus and suck the estrogen out of me so i can think logically? please.
ahh that would be nice.
until then, i will go to bed , for the rest of eternity , worrying myself sick about the well being of my little babies that i birthed into this crazy world.
ok mom, i get it now. sorry for all the restless nights.
hmm.. possibly.
It never really occured to me until now.
here i am. young. full of awesome ideas. adventures. things. never really thought about marriage. kids. bla bla blah.
and , here i end up. married with children.
not that i didnt want this. to my own surprise, i guess i did, because i cant imagine my life without them. i cant imagine being happy . i cant imagine a world worth living in without them in it. cant imagine a purpose.
but, with that comes this big big love, and this big big responsibility.
with which, i take very seriously. after all, i brought them into this life. and this is my job. i am raising human beings.
and obviously ( i mean, just look around) a lot of people are not taking this job very seriously.
i am.
well, at least im trying. im trying so hard most days are just too hard.
i try so hard, today i cried because im wondering if all this persistence and consistence really matters.
and this big big love that i have, man.. its hard.
i hate it sometimes. how much i love them. how much i want to protect them. from the world i know i cannot protect them from.
and im not even halfway there yet.
oh lord god help me when i really have to let go and trust them to go out into the wild world. hey, we all make it dont we?
but.. are we happy? most days i am. genuinely happy. but i look around.. and see. that a lot of people are not.
i know im going way too deep here.
but , my animal instinct is.. i want my children to be happy and safe.
and im afraid . im afraid of the future. and im envious and angry that my husband can go to sleep at night without thinking too much about it. after all .. this was his idea in the first place!?
dam logical way of thinking.
can someone please cut out my uterus and suck the estrogen out of me so i can think logically? please.
ahh that would be nice.
until then, i will go to bed , for the rest of eternity , worrying myself sick about the well being of my little babies that i birthed into this crazy world.
ok mom, i get it now. sorry for all the restless nights.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
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